Thursday, May 12, 2016

Swivel

I got free tickets from my boss to see a concert of Celtic Woman. Michael and I both went and the first 15 minutes were great. The chairs in front of us were empty and we had a fantastic view. After the 15 minutes 2 people came in the concert, disturbing everyone. A guy with a flash light trying to find their seats was very obnoxious to start with, and then the couple made at least 10 people get up in the middle of a performance was even worse. The guy, oh god, he was so tall. It was one of those tall skinny people. I hated his guts instantly. I was hoping an anvil would drop from the ceiling and shortened his length by a few centimeters. His tiny girlfriend screamed mouse and her sole existence infuriated me. Naturally the tall oddity chose to sit right in front of me. Because why not, right?

I tried to convince Michael to switch with me after the break, but he had a territory arm rest fight with the fat dude besides him. Man pride could not be set aside to give Doni a better view. I contemplated leaning creepily close and breathing on his neck but that thought freaked myself out more than it would him (or would it?) so I decided against it. The tall man wasn't just tall though, he was very stiff and erect (haha). He sat as straight as a... uhh... broom? Tree? Airplane seat? Yeah! Let's go with airplane seat, but then in take-off mode you know. Not the 'imma lean back and take a nap and annoy the f*** out of this person behind me' mode.

And OFCOURSE his hair was high too, otherwise it wouldn't be a good story. So, resigned to my fate of having the most horribly tall person in front of me I had to lean left and right to see anything at all. Left, peering over his shoulder and when the singers walked to the other side of the stage I switched to right. By now, his stupid mousey girlfriend had started to snuggle up against him and she was blocking his shoulder view too! They effectively limited my view from 100% to 25% just by existing. The rest of the evening I had to swivel back and forth, back and forth in order to see anything at all. I felt like one of those bobble heads people have on their dashboards.

Fast forward next day, my neck is completely stuck and I can hardly look around. Makes driving a hazard too.
Fast forward 2 weeks later, my neck still hurts and now the rest of my shoulders are starting to feel the strain my compensating for my neck! Everything hurts!

All because of a freakishly tall stick figure and his mousey girlfriend. CURSE YOU PEOPLE WHO ARE LATE TO SHOWS. I hope my negative thoughts will curse you to never make another appointment on time in your life!