Sunday, November 3, 2013

Valley

Lately I’ve not been feeling very well. I blame this mainly to the antibiotics treatment I’m taking right now. A tick had attached itself to my leg when I went sheepherding. It was a very scary one, and it refused to let go. The result was that the head of the tick is now stuck in my leg, and not even the doctor can get it out. She decided it was best I underwent antibiotic treatment in case it had Lyme.

Ever since I started it, I have been sleeping badly. Waking up constantly, and having disturbing and very lifelike dreams. As a consequence I’m grumpy, stressed and easily annoyed which in turn affects my work, friends and family. The doctor warned me it’s a strong treatment; but perhaps my body is overreacting a little.

At both jobs I have to check myself constantly. The shop and the hotel require good and flawless customer service and that is a little difficult for me with my sleep shortage. That, is the reason why I’m always obsessively sleeping enough. I need to get my 8 hours of sleep or else I can’t function properly. Less sleep and there you go! It turns me into a bitter old hag.

Whenever I struggle to stay kind and helpful to guests and customers, I have to take a deep breath and tell myself this is not me, and that the thing that is currently annoying me, is not actually annoying. I just think it is because I’m tired and full of drugs.

That gets very exhausting after a bit, constantly having to check, remind and reprimand yourself. As a result, I get even more tired and I get the tendency to snap. Which I have to stop from happening if I want to do my job right.  It’s a vicious downwards spiral.



This brings me to lists. It might be time for lists, to bring some structure in my life. With the interview coming closer the stress increases. Sleep shortage and stress together can burn a person out, and I need to prevent this at ALL costs. I do not have the luxury to burn out at this moment in time. By making lists, I can give myself peace of mind. It won’t have to worry about things it normally needs to remind me off.  

For example, I need to make an appointment for the medical examination. The exam needs to take place at least one week before the interview. Then I also need to keep track of the antibiotic treatment, what times I have to take the pill, for how long, and that I need to make an appointment with the doctor 10 days into the treatment. But I also have to make sure I got enough American passport photos for the medical exam and the interview.  Those ‘to do’ things, are just the tip of the iceberg – just think of all the furniture I need to get rid of!-.

If I make a list of everything that needs to happen and prioritize it, so I know what I have to do first, I think I’ll be able to rest more and stay “zen”. Normally I rely heavily on my subconsciousness to remind me when things need to happen. The thoughts lie dormant and reliably rise up when I need them (like every first Saturday of the month I have lunch with my best friend). But I can also imagine that it takes up room (RAM) in my mind and costs energy. Like when your laptop is in sleep mode. Its energy usage is low, but still present. The advantage is that it can turn on whenever you need it. That’s how I view my mind.


I hope the physical list will help shut down my mental list to free up some room (RAM) to relax. This theory of mine might be based on nothing, but I have done it in the past and it has worked before.  


Time to roll up my sleeves and get to work.

2 comments:

  1. Zet alles in de agenda van je telefoon / computer, dan kun je het zeker nooit vergeten. Voor je antibiotica gewoon een paar alarmpjes zetten, deed ik ook voor Sirirat toen ze TBC had. En misschien wat meditatie om jezelf tot rust te brengen?

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  2. I noticed Friday! Ik snap dat je graag geld wilt verdienen en dat ze je op werk nodig hebben, maar ik zou toch proberen om volgende week iets minder uren te draaien. Balen dat deze drukke week samenvalt met je antibiotica kuur, en je je lichaam en geest niet even de rust kan geven die het nodig heeft. Beetje ontspanning is belangrijk om 'sane' te blijven ;-) Lekker paardrijden ofzo.... ;-)

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